She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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