Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
