My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
