so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
