and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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