can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
