Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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