Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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