It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
