I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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