Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
