what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
