sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize