Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize