I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
