i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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