Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
