I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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