There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize