Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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