The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
