It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
