if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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