Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
