I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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