guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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