Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
