What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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