Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Less talking, more tequila
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
