your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
