Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
