it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
