By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
