I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
