Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
