he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
