If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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