I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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