another moral hangover. fuck.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
