I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
