PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
