i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
