Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
