If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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