He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
