i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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