What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
