Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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