Don't you send me to vm
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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