I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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