You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
