Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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