I just saw a hot homeless man
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize