If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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