Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
