Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
