I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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