Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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