You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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