Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
