I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
