someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
