the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
