Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
