wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
4 words: hood of his car
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
