Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
