I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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