What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
