just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then he tried to convert me to islam
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
