two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
