How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
