Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize