I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
