summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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