I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
